oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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