Porn is love you can see.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
