Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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