sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
