I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
