Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
time to smoke my breakfast
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
