Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
