The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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