i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
