so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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