Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
