Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He shit in the fireplace
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
