we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
