My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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