Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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