CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
