I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
