she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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