I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
