Sponge bath it is.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
