So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
