I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
