is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
