In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
