So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
