so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
