some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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