its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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