So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wish my penis had a tongue
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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