i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
