strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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