i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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