so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
