im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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