I hate your face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
