I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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