I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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