Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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