ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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