we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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