ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
