i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
