kristin has been a bad kristin
i just had sex bonerless
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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