so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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