PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
