Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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