call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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