this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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