I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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