Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
