No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
