I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
