I swear god or herbie drove my car home
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
