I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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