hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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