I'm lost and stupid without you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
